Sometimes, you see something on the television-machine-box and you just have to eat it.
It first happened to me when I realized how much Bugs Bunny loved eating carrots. He would chomp down on those suckers like they were made of sugar and nicotine, sucking back crisp orange sticks hand over fist in his insatiable vegetable lust.
I saw how much Bugs Bunny was enjoying those carrots, and I knew then that I too could experience that sort of satisfaction. So, my mum gave me a raw carrot (it had to be an uncut raw carrot in order to effectively emulate Bugs Bunny) and I slowly sunk my teeth into it, savoring every moment of my newfound veggie-phillia.
And do you know what?
It tasted like shit….
To this day, I can’t eat a raw carrot without tasting the bitter sting of Bugs Bunny’s betrayal. The worst bit is that, despite this formative pre-pubescent event, I’m still not sure I ever learned my lesson. For years afterwards, we would buy cereal that commercials assured me were delicious, only to learn that BiG-Cereal Ltd. had been lying in order to sell sugar-coated cardboard.
The media has ever been prepared to launch suggestive lemmings like myself off the cliffs of gastrointestinal disappointment, but I suppose it’s not just commercials at fault. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen a hot, steaming pie in a cartoon and thought ‘I must eat a pie’, only to discover that it couldn’t live up to the conceptual pie of my expectations. The truth is that television is largely about aesthetic, so we end up seeing a lot of food on TV which is designed to look awesome but which is probably artificial, inedible, and highly toxic in real life.
The best example I can think of to illustrate this is the movie ‘Hook’. In Hook, there’s a scene were Peter Pan has to imagine his dinner in order to make it real. And then, when he inevitably does imagine it and learns a valuable lesson about… something, we see that food in Neverland is largely made up of rainbow coloured Play-Doh, which everyone scarfs down with gusto.
I know that’s Play-Doh when I watch that scene. I know that maybe half of the weird, goopy, creamy garbage on the dinner table is coloured icing, while the other half has probably been sprayed with glycerol and formaldehyde in order to preserve its integrity.
But, do y’know what?
I would still scarf that business down without thinking twice about it.
Movie food is total bangarang.
Image Credit: Cherry pie, after all wasn’t Twin Peaks just an advertisement for pie, it was right?