GUIDE TO HAVING SEX IN A TAXI

GUIDE TO HAVING SEX IN A TAXI

29th November 2013 // By Lavinia Sonderberg Beck // The Instructions

Having sex in a taxi is almost a kind of public service. Think about it – how boring would that job be? A couple having sex in the back seat gives drivers a much needed break from the daily tedium of it all. It also gives them something to talk about. You practically owe it to the taxi drivers of this city to have sex in their vehicles. If nothing else, do it for them. Taxi drivers have seen it all before anyway and whatever you do is going to be nothing they haven’t seen before. So be inventive. However, if you’ve got any reservations about sex in taxis, I can offer some guidelines: 1. The time:

The best time is anytime after 3 in morning, but before dawn. 2. The traffic conditions: Do it on the road, not stuck in traffic. On the road the driver’s attention is on driving, not what you’re doing to each other in the back. If you have to stop at traffic light, then put the sex on pause as the taxi driver will generally be paying more attention to what’s going on in his cab when it’s not moving. 3. Position: Sit behind the driver’s seat. There’s sort of a driver’s blind spot there. 4. The Driver: The driver can be the deal breaker. Look for younger Chinese or Indian taxi drivers- these guys are usually young post-graduate students with economics, taxation, computer science or economics degrees. They are doing this job to support their study and have way more important things on their minds than whatever you’re doing back there. They don’t care and they really don’t want to know. As long as you pay the bill and don’t stain the seat you can do what you want. Old, grumpy looking western men with beards are worst – never even get into a taxi driven by a man with a beard. You are just asking for trouble. 5. The beard: Beards are nature’s way of warning you to keep away. Sure, hipsters have beards, but hipsters are not driving cabs. If you see a beard driving a cab it’s not hipster-beard. 6. Make small talk: While having sex, try and make unrelated small talk with whomever you are having sex with. If the driver thinks you’re having a conversation about dog ownership or something, he’s going to pay less attention to what you are doing. I know it’s hard to talk about schnauzers or spaniels and stuff when you’re having oral sex, but make an effort if you can. If you really want to distract the driver, talk to him instead. He may be a dog owner. Try finding some common ground. Tip: For non sex taxi rides I’d tip 10%, for sex I’d tip 15%. If you stain anything, tip 20%

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