Australia’s Dirty Little Secrets

30th March 2014 // By Yael Brender // Health & Science

Your profession dictates your income, your social standing and—your sex life? The Australian Sex Census sheds lights on the bedroom habits of Aussies based on their career. Sounds weird, but stick with me here…

Working in Western Australia apparently raises your floozy factor to the nth degree—40% of those randy devils expect sex on the first date. Not just want it—expect it. Guys, I’ll wait while you book that trip to Perth…

The transport and logistics industry are the most likely to indulge in a little swinging, with a slutty 60% keen on a good ol’ game of Rotate the Spouse. Tying for second place in the swinging statistics are tradies and the oldies (that’s ‘retired’ to the politically correct), proving once and for all the age is no barrier to having lots of sex with other people’s spouses.

The defence force and emergency services workers head the pack when it comes to a bit of self-love, with almost 40% admitting to a bit of right-hand-action on a daily basis. Guess that makes sense, what with all the peace in the Australia right now, they must be bored as hell.

But ladies, I know you really want an answer to the BIG question—which group has the biggest schlong? Drumroll please…it’s those jerks down in Human Resources, apparently clocking in at an average of 7.05 inches. Chemists have the next biggest amount of trouser schnauzer action with 7 inches, followed by construction workers, who’ve erected themselves an average of 6.98 inches.

I’d be interested to know if they measured themselves and/or lied, because these stats could just indicate which group are the biggest liars. Or have the smallest ego. Or maybe we should all just take off our clothes and stretch out on the desks of some HR execs.

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