12th May 2014 Written by Yael Brender Health & Science

Here's Why You Should Masturbate More

How many different words to do you have for it? I must admit that self-servicing is my favourite—it sounds elegant and somewhat upper class. Regardless of what you want to call it, it’s good for you. So good in fact, that you should do it all the time. All the time, according to sexologist Carol Queen, who says jerking off is an “inalienable constitutional right.” I like this chick already.

Self-lovin’ has proven health benefits like stress management, healthy pelvic muscles, secretion of endorphins and cardiovascular exercise. It’s been proven to relieve menstrual cramping and lowers the risk of Type 2 Diabetes, prostate cancer, depression and cervical infections. It also helps you sleep, and strengthens your immune system. Duh. And unless it’s actually getting in the way of your everyday life, you physically cannot masturbate too much (yes!)

Some lucky archaeologist dug up a clay figure of a woman twirling the pearl from a temple in Malta, proving that we’ve been into wanking for six thousand years. And even though it’s a solo act, don’t feel as if you’re alone. 94% of men and 85% of women admit to spanking the money, which means that just 6% of men and 15% of women are liars!

7th May 2014 Written by Yael Brender The Instructions

Tired of Finishing so Quickly?

Want to know the most unromantic statistic in history? I’ll tell you anyway: almost half of all men finish sex within two minutes. According to Dr Harry Fisch’s new book The New Naked, the average length of sex is 7.3 minutes, but 43% of the time it’s over in less than two minutes. That’s not what you want. And men are more pissed off about it than women, since according to Fisch; men want to sex to last longer than women do.

It’s interesting timing for this statistic to see the light, considering that in a recent interview with the Daily Mail, sex therapist Barry McCarthy defined intercourse lasting fewer than two minutes premature ejaculation.

Luckily, Swedish researchers want to help, so they ran a separate research group comprised of men who last less than a minute. These men completed a twelve-week regime of pelvic floor exercises, and the amount of time they can hang onto that load increased five-fold. Ergo, sex will last five times longer! Congratulations.

31st March 2014 Written by Yael Brender Health & Science

Australia’s Dirty Little Secrets

Your profession dictates your income, your social standing and—your sex life? The Australian Sex Census sheds lights on the bedroom habits of Aussies based on their career. Sounds weird, but stick with me here…

Working in Western Australia apparently raises your floozy factor to the nth degree—40% of those randy devils expect sex on the first date. Not just want it—expect it. Guys, I’ll wait while you book that trip to Perth…

The transport and logistics industry are the most likely to indulge in a little swinging, with a slutty 60% keen on a good ol’ game of Rotate the Spouse. Tying for second place in the swinging statistics are tradies and the oldies (that’s ‘retired’ to the politically correct), proving once and for all the age is no barrier to having lots of sex with other people’s spouses.

The defence force and emergency services workers head the pack when it comes to a bit of self-love, with almost 40% admitting to a bit of right-hand-action on a daily basis. Guess that makes sense, what with all the peace in the Australia right now, they must be bored as hell.

But ladies, I know you really want an answer to the BIG question—which group has the biggest schlong? Drumroll please…it’s those jerks down in Human Resources, apparently clocking in at an average of 7.05 inches. Chemists have the next biggest amount of trouser schnauzer action with 7 inches, followed by construction workers, who’ve erected themselves an average of 6.98 inches.

I’d be interested to know if they measured themselves and/or lied, because these stats could just indicate which group are the biggest liars. Or have the smallest ego. Or maybe we should all just take off our clothes and stretch out on the desks of some HR execs.