30th June 2014 Written by Yael Brender Sealed Section

Take Me To Love Land

You can have your Disneylands and your Luna Parks—there’s a better theme park out there and it’s called Love Land. It’s a ‘phallus garden’ that’s bigger than two football fields and a haven for larger-than-life soft porn memorabilia and erotic installations. It’s tucked away on Jeju Island in South Korea, and as coincidence would have it, it’s the top honeymoon island destination in South Korea.

The park—about to celebrate its 10th birthday—also has ‘hands-on’ exhibits like the ‘Masturbation Cycle’, which lets you run through the, erm, motions (but without the happy ending). The entire theme park is designed to break the traditional taboos surrounding sex, and is a place where the visitors can appreciate the natural beauty of sexuality. And for the parents—there’s a playground where you can stash your little ones while you discover yourself. 

16th June 2014 Written by Lily DuBois Dangerous Ideas

The Allure of Bottoming: Confessions of Submissives

If you’re not familiar the BDSM scene, then it may come as a surprise that the dominant/submissive relationship is one between equals. Okay, so it’s a lot more complicated than that. To put it simply, respect and trust are key words that I often hear in my conversations with self-identified submissives. To do such a complicated topic justice, I thought I’d ask them to tell it like it is. 

“I figured out why I prefer to take on the submissive role,” a 23-year-old female submissive confided in me. “It’s because in every other aspect of my life, I’m the one who’s always in charge, I’m always the one who has to be responsible. So it’s nice to have that opportunity to let go.” 

When asked about the pain endured by flagellation, needle-play, fire-play or what have you, she adds, “I think it changes depending on how the pain is inflicted.” This would mean that the dominant is going to have to be flexible according to what it is she will enjoy that day. The level of pain may also depend on the dynamic between dominant and submissive. 

Jay Wiseman is a former ambulance medic and law professor who explores sexuality, relationships, and BDSM. Much of his writing draws on his experiences with BDSM matters. In his book, SM 101, he writes, “BDSM is a small part of your life, just like many other small parts that make up your life.”

So in this sense, not everyone can be entirely dominant or submissive, but rather enjoy doing a variety of small things that gravitate towards submission or dominance. So what you could possibly draw from all that is that the pain is the communication between partners. 

That said, it should not come as a surprise that when BDSM is in the wrong hands, it can be very dangerous. “That is exactly the reason why a serious effort should be made to establish boundaries, to respect each other, and to know when to say ‘no’,” explained a female submissive in her 50s. “If you have a dominant who can’t respect it, you need to leave the relationship… However, you may be unable to escape because you’ve given this other person all this power over you.” Unfortunately, it is that side of BDSM that gets more attention from the media and  popular culture (read the books Story of O or 50 Shades of Grey for an even more misleading example).

Looking back through history, the term submitting is often associated with being destroyed, humiliated, crushed, oppressed, or any of a dozen other negative words. Responding to this, a male 35-year-old submissive commented, “But that’s not how I feel when I do it, and I don’t feel as though other people in the scene see me this way.” He also added that ‘bottoms’ should ‘own’ their submission, and that you alone are responsible for your own kink: “There seems to be all these negative impressions of what submissive men are, or make assumptions about what I should do or how I should act, as in be a doormat.” He explains that just because he is submissive, it doesn’t and shouldn’t change the fact that he can feel strong, proud and dignified. 

A submissive is responsible for their own kink, but the dominant has to assume responsibilities as well. A 51-year-old male sadist asserted that, “Even while you are dominant, you still need to understand the pain that you are inflicting on others.” 

 Reflecting on what these submissives have said, these individuals  haven’t been coerced to submit under the power of a dominant. In fact, they’re using their autonomy to gain pleasure in a non-conventional way.

Recommended Reading: 

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Domination and Submission by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame & Jon Jacobs

The Loving Dominant by John & Libby Warren

To read more about Jay Wiseman’s BDSM related essays click here.

 

12th May 2014 Written by Yael Brender Health & Science

Here's Why You Should Masturbate More

How many different words to do you have for it? I must admit that self-servicing is my favourite—it sounds elegant and somewhat upper class. Regardless of what you want to call it, it’s good for you. So good in fact, that you should do it all the time. All the time, according to sexologist Carol Queen, who says jerking off is an “inalienable constitutional right.” I like this chick already.

Self-lovin’ has proven health benefits like stress management, healthy pelvic muscles, secretion of endorphins and cardiovascular exercise. It’s been proven to relieve menstrual cramping and lowers the risk of Type 2 Diabetes, prostate cancer, depression and cervical infections. It also helps you sleep, and strengthens your immune system. Duh. And unless it’s actually getting in the way of your everyday life, you physically cannot masturbate too much (yes!)

Some lucky archaeologist dug up a clay figure of a woman twirling the pearl from a temple in Malta, proving that we’ve been into wanking for six thousand years. And even though it’s a solo act, don’t feel as if you’re alone. 94% of men and 85% of women admit to spanking the money, which means that just 6% of men and 15% of women are liars!

7th May 2014 Written by Yael Brender The Instructions

Tired of Finishing so Quickly?

Want to know the most unromantic statistic in history? I’ll tell you anyway: almost half of all men finish sex within two minutes. According to Dr Harry Fisch’s new book The New Naked, the average length of sex is 7.3 minutes, but 43% of the time it’s over in less than two minutes. That’s not what you want. And men are more pissed off about it than women, since according to Fisch; men want to sex to last longer than women do.

It’s interesting timing for this statistic to see the light, considering that in a recent interview with the Daily Mail, sex therapist Barry McCarthy defined intercourse lasting fewer than two minutes premature ejaculation.

Luckily, Swedish researchers want to help, so they ran a separate research group comprised of men who last less than a minute. These men completed a twelve-week regime of pelvic floor exercises, and the amount of time they can hang onto that load increased five-fold. Ergo, sex will last five times longer! Congratulations.

1st May 2014 Written by Otto Reitano Dangerous Ideas

Humans as Sexual Omnivores

To be monogamous, or not to be—that is the question. Christopher Ryan is an American author, contributor to both Psychology Today and the Huffington Post, and host of the podcast Tangentially Speaking with Dr. Christopher Ryan. He has recently been featured on the Duncan Trussell Family Hour and Joe Rogan Experience podcasts, where he discussed the controversy surrounding his book Sex At Dawn.

Drawing many of his conclusions from the notoriously polygamous Bonobo monkeys, Ryan argues that that sexual monogamy is not natural to our species, and that our past may actually be one of dispassionate promiscuity. His recent TED talk on the permeation of our modern view of relationships sparked the debate of whether or not monogamy even matters. Are we designed to be sexually exclusive, or are we simply contradicting human nature?

21st April 2014 Written by Yael Brender Education

Sex Education From Hell: Vaginas are Like Dirty Chocolate

To listen to the sex education class taught as part of an “Abstinence-Plus” program at a Mississippi public school this month, you’d think that women literally melt like chocolate when you touch them for too long. According to public health worked Marie Barnard, who has a son at the school in question, the teacher “called on students to unwrap a piece of chocolate, pass it around class and observe how dirty it became.” That’s disgusting.

Not the chocolate—I don’t have a problem with half-melted chocolate, I think it adds to the flavour. But plenty of people have had a problem with teachers telling their daughters that their vaginas were like an over-handled piece of chocolate. Furthermore, when the parents stormed the school authorities, they responded with, “Put it this way: How much dog poop stirred into your cookie batter shoes it take to ruin the whole batter?” That makes sense…

The same school hands out pamphlets urging girls not to wear long slung jeans, tube tops or go braless—ever—because that would make girls responsible for “putting sexual thoughts into guys’ heads.” The school also supports Purity Balls, where girls pledge their virginity to their father until they can give it to their husband as a ‘gift’. Sounds like the teachers teaching Sex Ed at this school could use a little Sex Ed themselves.

After this story intitally ran, many from the Oxford, Mississippi area tried to refute the claim saying that such a thing would never happen. Then where are these stories coming from? Decide for yourself below.

 

18th April 2014 Written by Yael Brender Trending Fun

Hey, Look At Us, We’re Having Really Hot Sex

Everybody is kicking and screaming in reaction to the newest selfies trend—the after-sex selfie. It’s exactly what it sounds like; you do it, and then you take a selfie, pop it on Instagram and hashtag #aftersex. According to mainstream media, this “outrageous behaviour” needs to be addressed. According to me, everyone needs to calm the fuck down.

Kate Hakala, writing for Nerve, sums is up perfectly: #aftersex selfies are nothing more or less than an open display of a healthy sex life, with a hint of gloating about it. That’s it. 

What’s weird, though, is that even relatively open-minded Internet mags are losing their shit over what’s basically nothing new in our culture of sharing everything online. Elite Daily slammed the trend as a “new low”, E! calls them “horrible” and The Daily Mail chimed into the debate with: “they’re jaw-droppingly awful.” 

It’s another one of those flash-in-the-pan outrages that might make one wonder if writers are going to the source before slamming something publically—very, very few of the pictures are of the naked, sweaty variety. They’re just pictures of couples in love.

8th April 2014 Written by Jasmine S. Sealed Section

Real World Sex

Say goodbye to 5-foot penises, perfectly waxed vaginas, terrible scripts and sexy meat shots because there’s a porn revolution!

Cindy Gallop is a 54 year-old woman who tends to date with younger men in their 20’s. Through her personal relationships with these men she discovered how much porn affects the lives of young people—by giving them false and unattainable expectations.

After realising this in 2009, Gallop created a website that compares porn to real world sex. She called this movement Make Love Not Porn with the tagline being: Pro Porn, Pro Sex, Pro Knowing The Difference. Her mission is to inspire and stimulate open, healthy conversations about sex and pornography in order to inspire more open and healthy sexual relationships. It has been met with positive reviews, even from the actors in the porn industry. 

But wait, there’s more!

Her website is also a fully functioning, submission-based sex site where normal, everyday couples upload videos of them having sex. So instead of watching highly artificial videos full of Viagra-induced erections, you see normal couples having sex the natural way—fun, intimate, and realistically sexy. 

Visit Make Love Not Porn for more information (and you know, if you want a quick wank). 

 

31st March 2014 Written by Yael Brender Health & Science

Australia’s Dirty Little Secrets

Your profession dictates your income, your social standing and—your sex life? The Australian Sex Census sheds lights on the bedroom habits of Aussies based on their career. Sounds weird, but stick with me here…

Working in Western Australia apparently raises your floozy factor to the nth degree—40% of those randy devils expect sex on the first date. Not just want it—expect it. Guys, I’ll wait while you book that trip to Perth…

The transport and logistics industry are the most likely to indulge in a little swinging, with a slutty 60% keen on a good ol’ game of Rotate the Spouse. Tying for second place in the swinging statistics are tradies and the oldies (that’s ‘retired’ to the politically correct), proving once and for all the age is no barrier to having lots of sex with other people’s spouses.

The defence force and emergency services workers head the pack when it comes to a bit of self-love, with almost 40% admitting to a bit of right-hand-action on a daily basis. Guess that makes sense, what with all the peace in the Australia right now, they must be bored as hell.

But ladies, I know you really want an answer to the BIG question—which group has the biggest schlong? Drumroll please…it’s those jerks down in Human Resources, apparently clocking in at an average of 7.05 inches. Chemists have the next biggest amount of trouser schnauzer action with 7 inches, followed by construction workers, who’ve erected themselves an average of 6.98 inches.

I’d be interested to know if they measured themselves and/or lied, because these stats could just indicate which group are the biggest liars. Or have the smallest ego. Or maybe we should all just take off our clothes and stretch out on the desks of some HR execs.

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